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Jan. 27th, 2010



So it's been a while since I've updated in this thing for real. I mean...we're talking years.

That's a bit insane. And I'm a bit insane for staying up so late knowing damn well I need to get up in seven hours to go to work. But that's me, for you.

:chuckle: I have no idea why I'm writing in this thing after so long. I guess because no one knows I use this anymore. So it's safe pretty much. I miss my LJ. It was my life for a while there. I think I started it back when I was 16. And now I'm 23. Insane, I tell you.

I guess I'm using this to sort through everything that's been in my mind lately. The whole Dustin thing. The whole being single thing. Being a single Mom...having a 2 year old son. The whole moving into my own place but with my parents thing. Trying to get back into school to get myself back on track with my education. Being independent. Being smart with my financial decisions. Or at least trying to.

I want to write a book. I want to travel to certain parts of the world and all over the country with my best friend and sometimes by myself.

I want to fall in love a few more times. I want to see what I've missed out on all these years. I already know about what I was clued in on.

I want to learn how  to cook better and invest money. I want to learn more about cars because believe it or not they fascinate me. I

I want to get lots of great ideas for interior decoration. I want to lose a lot of weight and feel like I'm back to my old body. Flawed but okay with it.

I want to go to more concerts. I want to play with my son all, day once a week. I want to curl up with a good book most nights before bed.

I want to feel pretty. I want to feel smart.

I want to figure out what the hell kind of profession I want to be involve in. And I want to make decent money in that field.

I want to see Brenna be super ecstatic about something and get all crazy about it. Maybe a wedding?

I want my parents to pull themselves out of their rut. Finally.

I want to get my teeth fixed. Seriously.

I want to get completely out of debt. And have a decent credit score.

I want to go crazy somewhere and do something I never thought I'd do. And live to tell about it.

I want to meet new people and understand them. Find out what makes them tick.

I want to see all of the next HP and Twilight movies.

And I want to keep writing in this for a few more years, even if not consecutively. It's interesting to see how I've changed. :)

Jan. 11th, 2010


New ficlet

Hey all!

Just came up with this little ficlet last night. Tell me what you think! Thanks ;)

"He's the serpent-bearer"...Collapse )Read more...Collapse )

New ficlet

Just a little ficlet I thought of last night...

Let me know what you think!

Read more...Collapse )

There's a cricket chirping somewhere close-by.

Bella scrunches her eyes up to see if she can see any other constellations hanging above them, in the midnight sky. The grass is scratchy against the nape of her neck and it's still sort of chilly outside -even though it's the middle of the summer.

    "Ophiuchus," she stated, pointing to a complicated-looking cluster of stars to their right.

    "Ophy-what-acus?" Jake laughed, his brow raised.

She rolled her eyes as he gracefully propped himself back onto his elbows.

    "Ophiuchus," she repeated, lying back next to him and leaning her head to see from his viewpoint. She nudged him pointing once more to the pattern overtop the treeline.

    "How do you remember all of them? I mean, there are millions of stars in the sky. How do you know where to find them?" he asked in awe, looking at her from the corner of his eye.

A smile played on her lips; this did make her feel a little more knowledgeable than normal. It wasn't every day that she was the one showing Jacob something new and different which didn't pertain to food, that is. 

    "I don't know. I just...remember the names and what they look like. I didn't learn where they are, only when they are visible in the year...and I don't know all of their stories- but the ones I do know are pretty cool, actually."

    "And I don't suppose you happen to know the story behind ol' Octopus here?" he chuckled, still looking at her with his eyes full of their own kinds of stars.

Bella nodded, grabbing Jake's hand and helping him trace out the constellation in front of them. She couldn't help but smile to herself when he sucked in a deep breath, unconsciously. 

    "He's the serpeant bearer-"

    "Like snakes?" he interrupted, causing her to glare at him. "Sorry," he mumbled, pretending to zip his mouth shut.

    "Yeah, like snakes. Anyway, in Greek myth Ophiuchus was the 'God of Medicine.' Well, his name was Asclepius, I think. But it's all the same...Now. Yeah he was the God of Medicine, but the intriguing part was that he could bring people back from the dead..." Bella said, her sentence trailing off, as she listened to the true meaning that was blossoming behind her own words. She felt it as the familiar blush crept up her neck and cheeks, burning madly like a wildfire.

    "I see. And what makes him so great, exactly?" Jake teased, poking her lightly in the rib.

Bella shook her head slowly, trying to make sense of the words and images that were now swirling around in her mind. Nearly biting her bottom lip off, she tried to grab hold of these new revelations and make sense out of them.

She turned to lean in slightly closer to Jake, almost able to hear the practical chorus of 'Hallelujahs' that  were surely going off somewhere.

She heard as his breath hitched in, again from the close proximity of their skin.  She smiled grandly, letting it take over her whole being. She couldn't remember the last time she smiled like this; it was all so much. And how could she have not seen this?

    "Uh, Bells? You okay...?" Jake questioned, sounding confused by her behavior.

    "Well...yeah, I guess I'm great. But...Ophiuchus? He was damn-near amazing because he could bring people back to life," she answered, delighting in the way his skin was so warm next to hers- such opposites in some ways. But the same, in so many other ways...

    "You said that already, honey. I got that, but why is that so...amazing?" his eyes probed her for more information- for more words. She laughed at this.

    "He took people who were dead, or practically dead anyway..and he made them alive. He brought them back to life- breathing life into dead, broken things. Like their hearts...the same hearts they didn't think even existed any more. He fixed them...and they worked in the end. And this worried some of those who were brought back to life by Ophiuchus...they thought it was too good to be true. Maybe it was...but they knew they had to make it work. And they were so..."

Silence. Quick breaths in and out. In and out.

    "Grateful... for what he did for them. They could never figure out how to repay him. So they put his figure in the stars, a statue to honor him, so no one would ever forget him. As if that were even possible," she spoke softly, murmuring the last line more so for herself.


The look they shared that moment, on that summer night...

Bella hoped that it would stretch out into the fall. And the winter...and the following spring. Hopefully for as long as he would stay with her. He would never leave her- this she knew.

She hoped for the first time in a long time.

Jan. 11th, 2007


It's been a while...

Since I last posted. Hell, I dunno if anyone ever reads this anymore. I do from time to time. But here lately I've had a lot on my mind. I just recently got a job with HBSC in Greenbrier doing collections. Making 13.20/hr. I'm kinda excited, and kinda bummed I didn't get the other job I wanted. The hours I'll be working are 1-10, meaning no life for me anymore, until the weekend. Which is very not me. And may drive me crazy.

Then there's Dustin. Let me rephrase that. Then...there's this guy that I'm dating. But I don't know who he is. Or what he's done with MY Dustin. He took Dustin's body, and left him somewhere out to die. Because the man I'm with is contemplating on whether or not he can 'handle' a girlfriend in this point of his life. MY boyfriend would know that he wants to be with me forever, and that he promised me a long time ago he would. My boyfriend would at least attempt to even LOOK like he wants to be with me. But, maybe this weekend I'll find my boyfriend after him being MIA for like...three months. Who knows? I hope I will. Because if I don't...I dunno what will happen to me and the stranger that's been ignoring my calls.


Oct. 8th, 2006


(no subject)

I'm so tired. Of all this bullshit. He makes it hard for me to breathe, when I cry.

Sep. 15th, 2006


Ispiration strikes me at random times, I swear...

Ever had one of those 'OMG, I think I'll actually be okay for once!' moments?

Yeah, well I just did, and it's because of a little thing I like to call music. AKA my Flyleaf cd. I LOVE this cd soooo much. It's my favorite as of right now I guess. My favorite song on it is called 'Fully Alive'. I have deemed it 'my' song because it's me, haha. It's what I'm about and such. I dunno...this whole cd is me, really. A love song or two, a song or two of how she's tired of daily bullshit, songs about reaching out from within....it's awesome. AND it's in a trendy little hard-rock disguise. Hell yes to music that actually MEANS something. I know that's really random and all, but I just had to say something, because it was going to burst out of me either way, lol.

Sep. 11th, 2006



I'm not sure if I should even write in this today. 
It's hard. I can't believe it's been five years since the attacks. God, I mean...it keeps replaying in my mind over and over again. And ontop of all this, I watched something last night that I wish I didn't see. It was what I first considered to be a '9/11 Conspiracy Theory' tape. But...it had some very scary points in it...and as skeptical as I am about some of it...I mean I don't want to believe any of it. It's just...hard I guess, to believe. I'm going to post the link to it if I can find it. Maybe one of you would like to see it...


Aug. 28th, 2006


I'm cold...and that's a bit weird

I'm weak...I'm listening to 'Scotty Doesn't Know'...oh man that's a funny ass song.
Yeah I think I downloaded like...forty songs tonight. I was inspired by my new love of Goldfrapp (awesome band).
I dunno why I'm still up...I guess because I wanna listen to some of these songs...and I just got a lot of stuff on my mind right now...
You may be asking what...well...a lot. 
Like the fact that I'm worried about what's gonna happen when my parents move back to WV. I mean...I want to move into my own place...I would be so psyched for that. BUT I have not the money...and it's hard to make it when you're going to school and all. I dunno...
My shoulders are really sore...and so is my chest.
I want to be a better girlfriend to Dustin. I keep thinking that I'm not good enough for him anymore. And yeah, that feeling sucks.

Aug. 26th, 2006


Yeah...haven't updated in a while

So I figured I'd give a go while relaxing at my house. Here's a little update on me...
I'm not going to be a student this semester...Long story...but to make one short, I fucked up so yeah.
I've slowly but surely been losing weight, due to me joining the YMCA, and attempting to work out at least every other day. I don't wanna say too much in fear of jinxing myself and gaining a ton...lol. 
I've given up on alcohol altogether. Not because I think I'm too good for it...but because I'm just tired of it. I'm not a good drunk, and I do NOT like  waking up the next morning to hear all this stupid shit I did/say and that I threw up all over something. It's mortifying, really. I've been 'friends' with alchohol for a long time...since I was about 14 or so...and I think it's time that we part ways...at least until I'm, 21. Then that night, I'll drink some...but at my own house...I just don't like not being able to remember things that happened the previous night. That scares me a lot, actually. 
I think everyone should listen to Goldfrapp. They're different...and if you're looking for something relaxing but still really upbeat and cool music to listen to...then there y a go. I heard about them a while back from some of my lj friends. And their song 'Strict Machine' is on two different commercials that you've probably seen. One for Nip/Tuck, and one for the new Chocolate phone...
I'm gonna be 20 in less than a month...and yeah...I'm happy about that.
I got golden circle tickets for staind/hinder....omg....I'm sooooo excited about it lol.
I've decided to stop worrying about what people think of me. It's just stupid. If you don't like me, fine. I won't be thrilled, but whatever, it won't bother me. 

I think that's about it for right now. 


Aug. 9th, 2006


I'm soooo excited!!!

I know, I know...Halloween isn't for another 2 1/2 months, but that's not that long when you have a costume to handmake...two, actually. lol. So yeah....I'm going as Poison Ivy, and my friend Brenna (a fellow redhead) is going as Harley Quinn & our boyfriends are going as The Joker (Jordan) and Batman (Dustin). I've been DYING to say something to someone about it, because her and I are soooo excited about it! While Harley Quinn is a blonde, not a redhead, Brenna has bright blue eyes like she does, and you don't even see her hair, anyway. And Poison Ivy has green eyes like moi XD. Of course I don't want it to look like the movie version of Poison Ivy (which was God-awful in my opinion) But...I think I'm going to half-model it after the comicbook look, and then put a few of my own touches on it. I spent like half the day at work trying to figure out what I was going to do for our costumes...I'll post some pics up here to give you an idea:

Anywho...I also have narrowed down a list of what tattoo I want...any ideas?

And that is it!!!

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